pathetic

HuiFeNn Says: My life is just pathetic. Pathetic.

 

 

Dear You,

Please don't take me for granted.

 

Dear You,

Why do you choose to hurt someone that loved you in such a way?

 

Dear You,

If this is the way you love, then, I had enough.

 

Dear You,

Do you know that I am also a human, a normal human, with blood and flesh, and of course, with feeling and heart beats.

 

Dear You,

Please give me back my dignity.

 

 

Dear Blog, I am back. I don't know why, but everytime when I am facing this same damn problem, I don't know who to tell, I don't know who to share my feeling, at the end of the day, I am just alone. lonely.

My life is just pathetic. just pathetic.

 

It is not real that how u treat someone, they will treat u the same as how u treat them. no. this is just bullshit. sometimes, some people, they just cant spare few minutes of their life, to listen to the voice of ur heart. pathetic. I am such a pathetic girl.

 



test

HuiFeNn says: finally a blog post from a computer. 

I cannot actually believe that i can type a super long and emo post using my phone. lol. actually i have no idea of what to post about. i am just too bored to sit in the unit, doing nothing, and yes, nothing. 

FYI, i am now at Naga-3, samarang field. 2 more weeks to go and i can be home. lol. 

getting more and more wedding invitation cards.and i am so excited. for the 25 years of my life, i have never been to MY FRIEND's wedding. all these while, i was just accompany my dad or mum to i-dont-even-know-who-the-brides-are wedding ceremony. thats why i am so f-ing excited now. 

I got no new job. i think maybe i complain a little bit too much about the company that actually not that bad. i am still a freshie anyway. dont complain dont complain. hahah. 

few more days to the special day. time flies. 3 years. we are now old. haha. 

wondering when will be my next post? probably few months later. 

hahaha. 

loves, 

hf

Worthless

This is a super long post. Read in case

I am dead. Ignore if I am still alive. Tata

Dear blog,

I know no one gonna read this, so I will keep you as my online diary. 

In case, one day I die, I still have something remaining in this world. Not just gone. 

Maybe someone who miss me can read this, if I die young. IF. If they bother to know. 

My life is quite happening, after I grad from university. I am holding a geology degree, but sadly, I am not a geologist, or a Geoscientist. I am just a mud logger. Doing routine job, everyday. 

Thank to my company, I manage to travel to another part of the world. Which I never thought that I can afford to go. I went to Abu Dhabi, Dubai, and Paris for training. 

Thank to Geoservices, I met a lot of good colleagues, or I should say friends here. 

No doubt, I love them. They are awesomely awesome. 

And her. She's amazing. 

Not to forget my seniors and other colleagues that taught me a lot of things, not only mud logging, but life. 

A senior that I will never forget, Johnny jarop. That share his experience in working and life. Thank you very much. 

And myint Wint too. 

Chew for being a loyal digi mate. Haha

Thank you Shahadat, for being an asshole. Because of u, I can define asshole. I will not forgive u. Sorry. Forever. 

 Because of Geoservices, I met a lot of awesome people. From other companies. 

And thanks to Geoservices, I met my long lost twin sister, danycia. Even though we spent only short time together, but we are really clicked. I hugged her and cried, she comfort me. I love her. 

And I met handsome colleagues too. :) 

I love my colleagues. Very much. 

And of course, god loves me. And he gave me nice school, college and uni friends too. 

And a lady I really love. From head to toes.

And my handsome lawyer buddy.

My cute niece, nephews and dogs. 

I am thankful. That I met great people in my life.

Life is definitely not as wonderful we want or thought. If we got only the good things, and never suffer from any pain, then this is not life. Maybe afterlife. Hopefully.

Life never fair, u giving out this much doesn't means that u can get this much returns. That's why we have loss and gain. If you are lucky, u will gain. If u are not, then u will loss. Completely. Like drilling through karst formations. U will loss your drilling fluids. 

Do u know the feeling of "worthless". This feeling sucks. U felt like u are treated as a dog? Or maybe worst than a dog, cause I love my dog very much and will never do things like that to her. 

The feeling of...... Even one day u disappear from the earth, that someone will never realize. Get it? Like you are just an extra. Transparent. And invisible. 

Am I really that worst, that deserved to be treated like this? 

A person that should understand you, should cheer you up when you are down, to shares thoughts with u. Unfortunately, that person not only did not do any of these, but he or she don't even bother to know what u actually wan, or I should say need. Get it? Get it?

Any lame excuses such as grumpy or bad mood or whatever is really hard to accept. Unless u are really that cheap. Can easily forgive someone who did all these shit to u. 

A broken heart needs times to recover. Even a broken vase u cannot simply just fix them using Dutch tape. A broken heart can be broken into infinity pieces that finally turned into tears. And when the tears dropped, u wiped them away, so how to fixed your broken heart, with Dutch tape? Never. Time heals. Now u have a nice long string, when u cut the string into 2, how do u fix them? Even if u tie them up, they will never be perfect. 

For every person we met in life, they came with at least a reason. Good or bad reason. We don't know. 

If you have a lover, and you are not sure that he or she is the one or not, then he or she is not the one yet. Or maybe u can test it, just close ur eyes, he or she can make u smile? Or just flood ur eyes with water? If your answer is the second one, you need to reconsider. Especially when u know u are just "nothing" or extra to that person. 

A person that shout at u, or treat u like a dog even after he or she knows that ur heart is already broken. The feeling is like, the vase is crack now, then that person hit it again and again with a super huge hammer. Awesome right? Only god knows the feeling. If that person loves u, or care about your feeling, he or she will never do things like this to you. Seriously. How to be together with a person that who is not willing to spend few minutes, to at least try to understand, what u actually want? I have no idea at all. 

"My friend told me just now, don't focus on finding the right man, just focus to be the right woman"

Yes, it's true. 

What!?

I hate working. But the funny thing is I really love money and I love money more than I hate working. So, I will still choose..... Erm, working..

I am really bored. I lost interested with this shit. I seriously don't know why so we need to check the sample when we can get every shit in the logging data. Even though you see this shit but the gamma data says it should be this, we have to change to the shit that gamma told us. So what's the point of catching those samples, and describing them? Maybe just for the mud loggers, data engineers, and sample catchers to get something to do, so that they won't list their jobs? Holy shit.
Let's see how long I can survive.

I am tired, emo and whatsoever. All I want to do now is to hug the bf and lye on his shoulder all night long and never let go,
Been two years since we are officially together. I miss you.

My forth hitch

Ok, I am officially a mud logger.
My first hitch as mud logger.
To be honest, I am still blur
No confident, and still learning.

I still remember my first hitch...
I was so excited. And I feel
Proud of myself.
I am working offshore.

As time flies, only short 4 hitches.. I am tired. I feel like losing interest.
Yea, working offshore it's cool.
I cannot imagine. How if I have to work offshore for 10 years,
Scary...

Far away from home

HuiFeNn says: I miss my little princess

Hey friends, I am now at a location I don't even know where am I. I can only give u my coordinate. Hahaha.

Well, today is my 13th day in the rig. My third hitch in life. Everything here is nice. I met new friends here :)

The operation, hmm. Lol, I cannot talk more about it. Working offshore is not NOT SUITABLE for female!! Why not!?
And it is not as risky as u thought....
I feel safe here. And the big blue ocean gonna be my second home soon?
Or now already my second home? I am not sure. The place where I can Earn money without using even one cent.

I survived working night shift. WHO THE TELL SAY FEMALE CANNOT DO NIGHT SHIFT??
Me and lily survived. And the geologists survived too. Maybe only those who are not tough enough cannot survive?
Of course, we may feel sleepy for the first few days. But hello, for the sake of money. I will do everything they asked me to.

I love this job so much even the pay is quite low.

For those who say I will be jobless after graduate because geology is just too cool... Fuck you! Fuck off!
I am not jobless and I got my job even before my graduation.

Deep driller 3

After 3 weeks off, I NEED to work again... Going to Sabah water this time, deep driller 3.

It's a very clean rig. But but but I am gonna miss this little bitch of mine. Stop. I am sad now