Worthless

This is a super long post. Read in case

I am dead. Ignore if I am still alive. Tata

Dear blog,

I know no one gonna read this, so I will keep you as my online diary. 

In case, one day I die, I still have something remaining in this world. Not just gone. 

Maybe someone who miss me can read this, if I die young. IF. If they bother to know. 

My life is quite happening, after I grad from university. I am holding a geology degree, but sadly, I am not a geologist, or a Geoscientist. I am just a mud logger. Doing routine job, everyday. 

Thank to my company, I manage to travel to another part of the world. Which I never thought that I can afford to go. I went to Abu Dhabi, Dubai, and Paris for training. 

Thank to Geoservices, I met a lot of good colleagues, or I should say friends here. 

No doubt, I love them. They are awesomely awesome. 

And her. She's amazing. 

Not to forget my seniors and other colleagues that taught me a lot of things, not only mud logging, but life. 

A senior that I will never forget, Johnny jarop. That share his experience in working and life. Thank you very much. 

And myint Wint too. 

Chew for being a loyal digi mate. Haha

Thank you Shahadat, for being an asshole. Because of u, I can define asshole. I will not forgive u. Sorry. Forever. 

 Because of Geoservices, I met a lot of awesome people. From other companies. 

And thanks to Geoservices, I met my long lost twin sister, danycia. Even though we spent only short time together, but we are really clicked. I hugged her and cried, she comfort me. I love her. 

And I met handsome colleagues too. :) 

I love my colleagues. Very much. 

And of course, god loves me. And he gave me nice school, college and uni friends too. 

And a lady I really love. From head to toes.

And my handsome lawyer buddy.

My cute niece, nephews and dogs. 

I am thankful. That I met great people in my life.

Life is definitely not as wonderful we want or thought. If we got only the good things, and never suffer from any pain, then this is not life. Maybe afterlife. Hopefully.

Life never fair, u giving out this much doesn't means that u can get this much returns. That's why we have loss and gain. If you are lucky, u will gain. If u are not, then u will loss. Completely. Like drilling through karst formations. U will loss your drilling fluids. 

Do u know the feeling of "worthless". This feeling sucks. U felt like u are treated as a dog? Or maybe worst than a dog, cause I love my dog very much and will never do things like that to her. 

The feeling of...... Even one day u disappear from the earth, that someone will never realize. Get it? Like you are just an extra. Transparent. And invisible. 

Am I really that worst, that deserved to be treated like this? 

A person that should understand you, should cheer you up when you are down, to shares thoughts with u. Unfortunately, that person not only did not do any of these, but he or she don't even bother to know what u actually wan, or I should say need. Get it? Get it?

Any lame excuses such as grumpy or bad mood or whatever is really hard to accept. Unless u are really that cheap. Can easily forgive someone who did all these shit to u. 

A broken heart needs times to recover. Even a broken vase u cannot simply just fix them using Dutch tape. A broken heart can be broken into infinity pieces that finally turned into tears. And when the tears dropped, u wiped them away, so how to fixed your broken heart, with Dutch tape? Never. Time heals. Now u have a nice long string, when u cut the string into 2, how do u fix them? Even if u tie them up, they will never be perfect. 

For every person we met in life, they came with at least a reason. Good or bad reason. We don't know. 

If you have a lover, and you are not sure that he or she is the one or not, then he or she is not the one yet. Or maybe u can test it, just close ur eyes, he or she can make u smile? Or just flood ur eyes with water? If your answer is the second one, you need to reconsider. Especially when u know u are just "nothing" or extra to that person. 

A person that shout at u, or treat u like a dog even after he or she knows that ur heart is already broken. The feeling is like, the vase is crack now, then that person hit it again and again with a super huge hammer. Awesome right? Only god knows the feeling. If that person loves u, or care about your feeling, he or she will never do things like this to you. Seriously. How to be together with a person that who is not willing to spend few minutes, to at least try to understand, what u actually want? I have no idea at all. 

"My friend told me just now, don't focus on finding the right man, just focus to be the right woman"

Yes, it's true.